Hum, advice?

I was reading articles on the Internet and got caught up with one of those titles that start with a number and follow with something that is interesting.  Titles like “3 Ways to Independent wealth.” or “5 Sure Fire Ways to Fire Up Your Sex Life”.  There must free Internet classes on writing these titles, for they are all over the Internet now. I’m sure they teach that if you put a number first and the word ‘Sex’ in the title, you are assured to get someone to click on your title.

The one that caught my attention was: “1 way to save your marriage”.  If it were not for the obvious fake way to get one’s attention, I would change the title of this blog entry to: “2 things can improve your life.”  You don’t really have to list two things, you just need to say it.  However, since I dislike this technique so much, I’ll not change the title.

This article was about a guy who was having problems in his marriage.  He and his wife were struggling and close to divorce. He had a shower thought that he had to do something different to save his marriage, so he had this inspiration. He woke up one morning and asked her: “How can I make your day better?” 

As I often do, I scanned the article trying to pick up the salient point or takeaway.  So, the next morning we were in the kitchen and ask Rita: “How can I make your day better?” 

She looked at me with this confused look on her face and said: “What?”

I repeated the question.

In her somewhat iterated voice, she replied: “I’m not going to tell you what to do?  That is not something we do to each other. We don’t tell each other what to do!”

I retreated mentally into the fetal position and thought:  “That didn’t work.” 

Our marriage is fairly good and, even thought we have our struggles, neither of us feel divorce is over the horizon.  But, it could be better. Like many couples, we get caught up with life’s busy times, Internet or device distractions and other demands.  So, I filed that idea of asking her how to make her life better on the shelf and didn’t ask that question again.  

But, I did think about  it. I started doing dishes while she made dinner. I would fire up the vacuum sweeper and clean up dog hair and tracked winter debris.  I would start laundry, or fold that she started.  Make the bed, I would suggest we eat out instead of expecting her to come up with dinner ideas at home. I would often think: “What can I do to make her day better?” But, I knew better to ask it out loud.

The jury is still out to see if any of this has any impact on our relationship. But these are things I should have been doing all along. If anything, it makes me feel better, more like a equal partner.  I’ll have to report back on this later. 

Meanwhile, I went back to find and reread the article and do research on the author who suggested this idea. I realize that scanning often misses key points.  He continued to ask his wife this question until she cried and they had a come to Jesus meeting about their marriage. I had missed that point, but happy I did, for I think it would not help us much. 

The author appears to have some credentials regarding writing, but I’m not too sure about his credentials in regards to relationship building or fixing.  You can judge this yourself by doing your own reading by starting with his blog: “How I saved my Marriage.”  I’m not suggesting you try this, but introspection is often helpful.

I have to go now and do some dishes and work on stop scanning things I read. 

After Shower Thought – 1/10/2018

Clean out the closet

I was looking for a pair of pants to wear after my shower this morning. I stood in my closet looking over my paints. I wanted something comfortable, leisure like, not business casual, not old-IBM formal black, but also not working in the garage ragged-like.  I didn’t want jeans with knees worn out and stains on them, nor khakis with the cuffs worn to threads. 

I had been thinking of my weight and how hard it was to loose that 10 – 20 pounds that I have been trying to loose for years.  Two summers ago, I had gotten down to 170 lbs, but that took open heart surgery to make happen and by that winter I was back up to 180.  Now, 18 months later, I was struggling to keep my weight under 190. I asked myself, maybe it was time that I admit I will never weigh 170 again. Maybe I will never fit into a 34 inch waistline. Maybe I should just stop worrying about weight but keep on eating more healthy and staying active.

Maybe I should clean out my closet. 

Keeping paints that I can’t wear only gives me a false sense that I have a large choice of pants to wear. So, I tried on all 14 pair of pants that were on hangers.  Many of these were many years old and some of them were purchased at the consignment store.  Of the 14 pairs, I could only fit into 7.  

So, I now have a pile of pants to get rid of.  If feels good to do this. Tomorrow, I may tackle the shirts.

It feels good to stop trying to do something that constantly disappoints me.  I may or may not get down to 170 lbs, but I am going to stop worrying about it. 

I will still continue to cut out sugar, fats, meat, to play the piano, write, learn things,  exercise, and have wishes, goal and dreams.

For now, it is time to clean out the closet in my my bedroom and in my life.

 

 

 

 

Shower thought of the day – Jan 5, 2018

Today as I showered, I thought of the term: “Farmer Technologist”.  It was a label my company’s UPS sales woman called me.  I think she met it as a compliment, but my insecurities questioned that.  Farmers are creative, innovated, MacGyer-like people that have to fix things around the farm that break with only material they have available to them – like bailing wire, band aids and duck tape.  Also, farmers, today, often have PhD’s in how to get the most from an acre of land with the least amount of work and resources.  They have to figure out how and when to invest, how to deal with major crisis and nature’s fury.  They have to negotiate with big businesses, big government, and the stigma of being stupid.  So, if I put my own insecurities aside, being a Farmer Technologist may be a good thing.

Then, I wondered if that applied to being a philosopher.  Could I also be a ‘Farmer Philosopher”?  A self made Aristotle, Plato, or Ann Rand?  An Ann MacGyer Rand? Then I got side tracked and wondered why Plato and Aristotle had only one name.

Later, after I dried off, streaked to the bedroom to fetch underwear, and dressed, I read email and got jerked back to reality by a technology problem at the company I support.  The backup program had a message that implied something didn’t work correctly.  A hour later, I concluded it was what I titled: ‘planet aligning technology’. This is where certain multiple technologies or software happen to be in a certain state such that they interfere with each other causing one or more of them to not work correctly.  I also found it was not worth the time it would take to prove it. 

Such is the world of today.  Sad, but true. It was not worth the time to prove it.

Is that a philosophical thought? A farmer technologist philosophical one?

New Year – 2018

It is a rare person who can start a new year and not think of making some change or resolution. 

I tried to not do this.  

Then I got on the scales. 

I didn’t like the number and to avoid making the resolution that is almost assuredly to fail, i.e. loose ‘x’ pounds, where ‘x’ is an imaginary number, I just decided to eat more healthy and responsibly.  Since both those terms are loosely defined, I have lots of room to eat ice cream, popcorn, and other things I love.  

Then, as I was in the shower this morning, I thought: “It is a wise man who knows when to throw away an old tee shirt”   I often have these crazy or deep thoughts while showering.  As I toweled myself off, I had a further thought that I should capture these thoughts.  Why?  Well I suspect it is because few of us humans have rational thoughts in the shower.  That is probably why so many sing the shower.

So, I thought, would it be interesting if I could, or would, write something every day of the year. Then I realized I already missed the 1st and 2nd.  

That is why one should not think of making resolutions for the new year. 

Nor, should they place any merit for thoughts in the shower.

I’m now going to the garage carrying an old tee shirt that will become a new rag.