activity shower thought thoughts

Hum, advice?

I was reading articles on the Internet and got caught up with one of those titles that start with a number and follow with something that is interesting.  Titles like “3 Ways to Independent wealth.” or “5 Sure Fire Ways to Fire Up Your Sex Life”.  There must free Internet classes on writing these titles, for they are all over the Internet now. I’m sure they teach that if you put a number first and the word ‘Sex’ in the title, you are assured to get someone to click on your title.

The one that caught my attention was: “1 way to save your marriage”.  If it were not for the obvious fake way to get one’s attention, I would change the title of this blog entry to: “2 things can improve your life.”  You don’t really have to list two things, you just need to say it.  However, since I dislike this technique so much, I’ll not change the title.

This article was about a guy who was having problems in his marriage.  He and his wife were struggling and close to divorce. He had a shower thought that he had to do something different to save his marriage, so he had this inspiration. He woke up one morning and asked her: “How can I make your day better?” 

As I often do, I scanned the article trying to pick up the salient point or takeaway.  So, the next morning we were in the kitchen and ask Rita: “How can I make your day better?” 

She looked at me with this confused look on her face and said: “What?”

I repeated the question.

In her somewhat iterated voice, she replied: “I’m not going to tell you what to do?  That is not something we do to each other. We don’t tell each other what to do!”

I retreated mentally into the fetal position and thought:  “That didn’t work.” 

Our marriage is fairly good and, even thought we have our struggles, neither of us feel divorce is over the horizon.  But, it could be better. Like many couples, we get caught up with life’s busy times, Internet or device distractions and other demands.  So, I filed that idea of asking her how to make her life better on the shelf and didn’t ask that question again.  

But, I did think about  it. I started doing dishes while she made dinner. I would fire up the vacuum sweeper and clean up dog hair and tracked winter debris.  I would start laundry, or fold that she started.  Make the bed, I would suggest we eat out instead of expecting her to come up with dinner ideas at home. I would often think: “What can I do to make her day better?” But, I knew better to ask it out loud.

The jury is still out to see if any of this has any impact on our relationship. But these are things I should have been doing all along. If anything, it makes me feel better, more like a equal partner.  I’ll have to report back on this later. 

Meanwhile, I went back to find and reread the article and do research on the author who suggested this idea. I realize that scanning often misses key points.  He continued to ask his wife this question until she cried and they had a come to Jesus meeting about their marriage. I had missed that point, but happy I did, for I think it would not help us much. 

The author appears to have some credentials regarding writing, but I’m not too sure about his credentials in regards to relationship building or fixing.  You can judge this yourself by doing your own reading by starting with his blog: “How I saved my Marriage.”  I’m not suggesting you try this, but introspection is often helpful.

I have to go now and do some dishes and work on stop scanning things I read.